This post has no neat and tidy ending. It does have a soundtrack, though. Go here to listen to the musical version of these words.

It’s 11:38pm on “G” day for the A to Z April Blogging Challenge. I was determined to catch up and post today but got busy. So just now, I decided to go for it and write on the first “G” word that came to mind. It was “gigantic.”

Since childhood, I have occasionally experienced a strange sensation. It would usually be when I was going to sleep. Early on, I recall no cause, no recurring fear or anxiety. It would just happen. When I closed my eyes, it was as though radiating from the places where my body parts touched, I grew gigantic, universe-sized if I kept my eyes closed and continued to let my arm touch my leg, or leg touch the other leg, in endless variations. It was so scary. And though it happens less often these days, it hasn’t lost its pain.

In mulling over what I’d write on “gigantic,” I thought I’d Google (another G word) it to see if I could find an explanation. My Google luck is well-known amongst friends–ask me anything, and I’ll find it–but I expected this to be the time it failed me. Nevertheless, I Googled “feeling of being gigantic neurology.” And holy moly.

alice in house

It’s called macrosomatognosia and is a rare symptom, most often associated with migraines. It’s also called the “Alice in Wonderland Syndrome” (AIWS) from when she grew gigantic after drinking the potion. Well-known, researched and everything, there are papers on it and forums for those with it.

Over the last few years, as I’ve woken up and opened up, it’s felt like I’m becoming a real girl. And “down the rabbit hole” is often associated with a spiral. And The Oat Project has often felt like a potion to me. And I’ve discovered surprising ways that yes, I’m weird, but no, not the only one (especially in being a Highly Sensitive Person). And when I read the accounts of those with macrosomatognosia, I was–just now, mind you–floored. They described sensations exactly like mine, even “whole body pulsation” (sounds fun, but trust me, it’s unnerving).

Do I know what to do with this? Not really. I’ll probably research it a bit more to make sure I don’t need to “do” anything, but just knowing it’s an acknowledged condition helps to handle it and the sensations I experience more often. Cheers to Google, cheers to you, and may we all sleep well this night! Love and hugs, Your Ever Strange-but-not-the-only-One, Jene’

p.s. This is my “G” day entry for the A to Z April Blogging Challenge. I’m posting 6 days a week for the entire month of April, one post for every letter of the alphabet! This one is late, because traveling messed up my schedule. So stay tuned for the other catch-up blogs today and here on out, and check out some of the other 2000+ writers participating.

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