From the outside, she is carefree. Photos show a gal who knows how to live it up and cut loose. A girl who spent a whole summer sowing wild oats intentionally, learning how to integrate the Wild. She’s even written a book about it, and is telling the world, putting it out there! She must know Wild intimately.
But the cutting loose scares her spitless.
She’ll drink, yes, and be silly and outrageous and even take chest shots like the photo above. But what runs through her mind the day after a crazy dance party is hoping she didn’t offend anyone by not properly saying hello or goodbye. Or worrying that she drank too much to notice if someone needed a hug or conversation.
She can’t blow it off and chalk it up to “fun” or “a wild time was had by all.” She must consciously decide to use those words, from the mouths of others. And she knows that for her, hosting a party is a way to force herself through one more exercise of integrating the Wild. To be vulnerable and open. To give others and herself a time to swirl in the spiral of wild for a while, however it looks.
She’s not good at it, but she’s trying, stepping into that spinning space, in love, in wholeheartedness, lightheartedly. And she does, always, wish you would join her there. 🙂